It was sudden and unplanned. We would be parents now. Only
27, full of ambitions and corner office dreams, my heart skipped a beat. But
shouldn’t I be happy? Isn’t this the miracle of God, the ultimate gift, the
hope of fulfillment which is supposed to ‘complete’ me? In all honesty, those
were not my feelings. At all. My goal-driven, work-obsessed mind could only
think of how I would manage to work towards my next promotion which was due in
4 months!
What followed was lots of ecstatic reactions by friends and
family and lots of biological changes in
my life. But what remained was my grit to keep gunning for the promotion. As
days drew closer, I was moved into 3 projects simultaneously – yes, I was a
management consultant – the ones who work, travel and have no life really. I
took them on – luckily no travel was involved – with only few client
presentations and interactions. Why did my bosses do this? Ofcourse, I never
talked about being pregnant. And I had severe morning, afternoon, evening or
anytime of the day sickness. But it was winters and I’m on the ‘healthier’ side
anyway. So, well – let’s say this was part of God’s plan.
One day, when a dear (hence emotional) friend dropped in for
dinner and saw me working furiously on the laptop way past 10 pm – he couldn’t
help but say “Why do you have to be so ambitious now? You’re neglecting your
health and more so the baby’s. Take it slow, Neha. Your life is changing.” I
paused. Was this about being ambitious only? No. To me this was about getting
my due. I had worked very hard over the last 2 years, and I was not going to
let anything come in the way of getting rewarded and acknowledged for my hard
work.
And this was it - The first dilemma of a working mom. Is it
fine for a mom-to-be to continue looking at her career goals the same way? Is
it possible? Am I already harming my baby because of my desires? Am I a selfish
mom already? Is a mom not supposed to have any goals of her own? I constantly
dealt with these questions. I spoke to my little baby often. Explaining to her
what this means to her mom and how this was nothing about loving her any less.
I hoped she understood.
That promotion happened in my 5th month. It was my
grit and my husband’s immense support and deep understanding of who I am. He
never stopped me from working extra, over time, because he understands what
work means to me. But he also ensured that our baby and her mum were
well-nourished by putting the right food in front of me everyday for breakfast,
packing me 3 dabbas of fruits (my only craving!) and force feeding me at night
while I worked. My family was the backbone – no one intervened or questioned
our ways – they trusted us to do the best we could for our baby. And ofcourse, my
baby. She was mostly well-mannered, not creating much of a scene by tumbling
around, when I was in presentations/ discussions for hours at end. I think she
heard me. I think she knew what she was getting into.
When I hear senior women talk about ‘a supportive family’ now
– I know exactly what they mean. For a man to move ahead in his career, single,
married or parent, the onus remains largely on him. For a woman, the dynamics
change as motherhood approaches – for some these also change with marriage. But
at the end of the day, it is about choices we make for ourselves. I chose to
fight for my due, my reward at work. I did what I believed in – and those who
truly loved me, understood me – stood as my pillars of strength. For true love
is about nurturing and letting us fly. And it’s the same lesson I decided to
teach my baby, the day I got that promotion call from the boss. Don’t be afraid
to follow your dreams and your beliefs. Don’t be apologetic for gunning after
your goals. Choose your sacrifices wisely. And most importantly, choose your
life partner wisely too.
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